The ultimate list of dad jokes and funny greeting cards for this father’s day.
Father’s day comes around once a year, not only an opportunity for you to show your father how much you love and appreciate them (cringe), but equally as great an occasion to send them an offensive, or at the very least, funny or rude father’s day card.
As we’re sure you’re aware, there are many, many dad jokes out there. Perhaps your eyes have fell victim one too many times, so now, it’s your chance to get one back. While traditional dad jokes might not be the funniest, there’s no denying that they do crack a laugh, whether out of sympathy or sheer tragedy.
To help you find the perfect card for dad, we’ve gathered together our very best, funniest, dumbest, and greatest puns into one short and sweet article - keep reading to find the perfect card for father’s day.
One my father used to say all the time and I still find it funny now..
- Why do they call them bungalows? Because they bunged a low roof on it.
However here is a selection to either laugh or groan at.
Corny dad joke card (and others)
Feminine Side Greeting Card - £2.99
You can’t beat a corny dad joke, an almost classic when it comes to fathers - an easy laugh, simple to understand, and quick to the point. If you’re looking for a corny dad joke card this father’s day, then look no further than the feminine side greeting card, as seen above. Just make sure your mother isn’t around when the big man opens it!
Alongside our feminine card, we also have a long list of excellent corny dad jokes, including: “Stop looking for the perfect match, use a lighter.” And one of our personal favourites: “What’s brown and sticky? A stick.”
Most of our corny dad jokes are not harmful, some may not be the biggest fans, but they’re certainly an easy laugh, a great way to get the conversation started.
- Stop looking for the perfect match, use a lighter.
- Can February March? No, but April May!
- I'm so good at sleeping that I do it with my eyes closed.
- Try the seafood diet—you see food, then you eat it.
- What do you call a pencil with two erasers? Pointless.
- Did you hear the one about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head.
- What's brown and sticky? A stick.
- I hated facial hair but then it grew on me.
- It really takes guts to be an organ donor.
- Did you hear the rumour about butter? Well, I'm not going to go spreading it!
- What did the plumber say to the singer? Nice pipes.
- I was going to tell a time-travelling joke, but you didn't like it.
- I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I'll let you know.
- I'm reading an anti-gravity book. I can't put it down!
- I'd avoid the sushi if I were you. It's a little fishy!
- What state is known for its small drinks? Minnesota.
- What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1
- What do houses wear? An address.
- Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate nine!
- How do you deal with a fear of speed bumps? You slowly get over it.
- What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.
- What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
- What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
Dad Jokes Greeting Card - £2.99
Not a big fan…
Simple, yet hilarious, the not a big fan greeting card is as wholesome as it gets - the ultimate dad pun. We also have other dad puns too, equally as good on a card or written in your card for an extra laugh. These include: “What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.” and “Why do vampires always seem sick? They’re coffin.”
We have loads of other puns below, be sure to take a look - you won’t be disappointed, a great start to any funny father’s day.
- Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
- Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- How does a lawyer say goodbye? I'll be suing ya!
- You can't trust atoms. They make up everything!
- What made the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
- Can I dive in this pool? It deep-ends.
- What did the buffalo say to its son when he left? Bison!
- Why do vampires always seem sick? They're coffin.
- What musical instrument do you find in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste!
- How do astronomers organize a party? They planet.
- Wanna hear a joke about construction? I'm still workin' on it!
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
- Why do melons have weddings? They cantaloupe!
- What did the police officer say to her belly button? You're under a vest!
- What do you call a fibbing cat? A lion.
- What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
- If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
- Did you hear about the outlet who got in a fight with the power cord? He thought he could socket to him.
- What do you call a fancy fish? So-fish-ticated.
- If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
- How do you make 7 even? You take away the s.
- What kind of cars do eggs drive? Yolkswagens.
- Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
- Why was the stadium so hot after the game? Because all the fans left.
One-liner Dad Jokes
Frayed Knot Greeting Card - £2.99
The ultimate one-liner father’s day card
Delivering a one-liner can be difficult, but you’re a whole lot less likely to screw it up if it’s written on a card for you… The frayed knot greeting card is as “dad jokey” as it gets, certainly one way to exact revenge on the verbal dad joke torture you’ve received for at least some part of your life.
Once again, we also have a few more one-liners below, use them at your own will, but beware, you will make people laugh, and then most likely shake their heads...
- I only know 25 letters of the alphabet—I don't know y.
- RIP boiling water, you will be mist.
- I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but she said it's just a bug that's going around.
- I ate a clock the other day. It was very time consuming.
- I have a clean conscious—it's never been used.
- I once wrote a song about a tortilla, but it's more of a wrap.
- You can tell it's a dogwood tree from its bark.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
- They say that 3/2 people are bad at fractions.
- Dogs can't operate MRI machines but catscan.
- A witch's vehicle goes brrrroom brrrroom!
- If two vegetarians get in an argument, is it still called beef?
- I'm worried for the calendar because its days are numbered.
- Dear Math, it's time to grow up and solve your own problems.
- I just don't trust stairs, they're always up to something.
- I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
Dumb Dad Jokes
Pick Pocket Greeting Card - £2.99
Dumb dad jokes
If you’re a sucker for dumb dad jokes, then you’ll love the pickpocket greeting card, simple yet hilarious. We also have a selection of other dumb dad jokes, either memorise a few and pretend you’re funny, or write one in your card to deliver a double whammy.
- I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy.
- The wife told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.
- My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!
- What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
- "Did you get your haircut?" No, I got them all cut.
- I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
- Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It's tearable.
- How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!
- I talk to myself because sometimes I just need expert advice.
- I used to be addicted to the hokey-pokey until I turned myself around.
- What concert would cost only 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
- What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad? A faux pa.
- If you see a crime at an Apple store, are you an iWitness?
- I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he even laughs.
- I hate Velcro. It's a rip off.
- What rock group has four men who don't sing? Mount Rushmore.
- Spring is here! I got so excited that I wet my plants.
- I had to sell my vacuum cleaner. All it was doing was gathering dust.
- Do you know how many people are dead at a cemetery? All of them.
- "I'll call you later." Don't call me later, call me Dad.
- If the early bird gets the worm, I'll sleep in until there's pancakes.
- The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
Dad Jokes for Kids
Trampoline Greeting Card - £2.99
Trampoline greeting card
Finally, we have the trampoline greeting card, a great gift from a kid, but equally as funny given as a gift from a teenage son. Be sure to check out our other dad jokes for kids below, too! Sure, they’re a little immature, but aren’t we all?
- What's a foot long and slippery? A slipper.
- What kind of milk comes from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
- What's a sea monster's favourite lunch? Fish and ships.
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
- Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, houses can't jump.
- Why are pigs so bad at sports? They always hog the ball.
- Why shouldn't you tell an egg a joke? It'll crack up.
- How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
- What's a ninja's favourite type of shoes? Sneakers!
- What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
- How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together.
- Why is no one friends with Dracula? He's a pain in the neck.
- Where do you learn all about ice cream? Sundae school.